Breeding Grounds
Once we open ourselves up to one lie, a dozen more can easily come in. Presenting themselves as the truth and it’s beginning to become harder and harder to distinguish between them.
See, I believed in the lie that I needed no one. That I was fine being alone. The lie itself always starts off simple. An easy lie that begin to shape belief. Once it settles, then it begins to twist. It begins to branch off as another lie comes in. And another and another. Until it’s hard to distinguish between lie and truth. As all the lies add up and transform into a new belief system.
It happened to me. Because soon enough I started to believe that I wasn’t enough anymore. That nothing I could do would measure up to what people expected of me.
Which eventually became: that I was unlovable. I was too ugly to be loved. I was unworthy of living. That no one could ever see beyond my flaws. That I was destined to be alone. Destined to die alone. Destined to nothing but ruin and pain.
I grew to hate myself and everything I stood for. I could barely look at myself in the mirror. Because I hated what I saw. I hated my body because it didn’t look like the beauty of standard the world loved. I hated looking at this shell of a person. That seemed more dead than alive. Every day seemed like a new struggle to get up. To get up and go again.
Soon enough, I found myself drowning in insecurity, in anxiousness and depression. I grew scared of living the house because I was so anxious of finding more people. People who I believed would inevitably reject me. Who would see all my flaws and nothing else. To see all the reasons why I hated myself. Because I believed I was simply too unlikable. That no one, no friend, no stranger, no family member, not even this God I heard about could ever love someone like me.
It’s how the enemy works. How the devil begins his own work in you. Because if he can create this breeding ground of lies, he can get you off track. He can take you away from where you belong. He can make you into anything other than what you were made to do. If he can target your beliefs, transform your mind for worse, everything else becomes easy.
It can lead to ruin, in a number of ways. For me, it lead me down to the path of suicide. Every day, my will to live simply disappeared. Everyday I felt a little less alive. I felt less like myself. Less like a person. Just a corpse waking the face of the Earth. Until I was so ready to simply end it all. To let the enemy win. And the scary thing, he almost did. I almost let him take my life. A result of a foundation built on lies than the truth.
John 10:10
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
